Reaching Decision

David and I are so thankful that my back pain was gone! Ever since I made the appointment with Hal, the sharp back pain never came back again. So I cancelled the appointment thinking that the less I do to my body at this time, the better. When bigger discomfort is gone, the smaller one becomes noticeable. My left leg feels swelling. I can see the blood veins almost jump out of the skin. Although I have an empty box under my desk to put my feet up occassionally, I still manage to stand up and walk for 5 minutes every hour. Luckily, I can eat - a lot! I like everything. The only thing is my stomach always feels full, which makes me feel miserable sometimes after a meal.

I'm trying to make decisions for the China trip. I asked everyone I talked to the same question:" What is your advice?" Without exceptions, every one of them answered:" Postpone it!" The last person I talked to who also helped me to make the decision was Fang. She helped me to list the pros and cons of the trip. Here are the pros of the trip:

* It's a long looking forward trip. Well planned and trained. Lots of things to report and experience;
* We'll have opportunity to learn from Gary and Danita and have a life-changing experience
* We will have wonderful time to bond with our teammates
* We will have opportunity to reach out and influence others, locals.
* We will not waste our tickets
* We will not disappoint the missionaries, our teammates, ourselves and others

Now the cons of the trip:

* Environment/daily living changes that add stress to my body.
* Possible sickness (long flight, flu, infection, etc.) while I can't take any medicine at this time
* Food and air: we may eat out 90% of time, which we had little control of what we eat (MSG, bacteria, etc.) I still remember the sickness David and I had last summer because of the food we ate. The air pollution and public hygen is much worse.
* Busy schedule: reading with readers, meeting with local Christians, planning with teammates, sightseeing, catching the flights, etc. All these add stress.
* Doctor and hospital: no family doctor. Impersonal service, crowded and long wait. There is no way to ask the doctor about the abnormality I may experience.
* Taxi: the driver stops and goes very fast. Average taxi driver has at least dozens of passengers every day. The germs in the car can easily affect the pregant woman whose immune system is the weakest.
* Possible life-long consequences: what if something happens? Will I regret? The first pregnancy usually sets patterns for the future. Now I'm in the high risk group.
* Miss this opportunity. But we can go next time. What's more, I'll have vacation to use if I have to bed rest later.

Normally I won't take into account any of these cons. But with a delicate baby and weak immune system, Fang encouraged me to think over it. David and I are so grateful for all of our family and friends who concern about us earnestly. After dinner, we talked over it and decided to postpone our trip. David was so supportive and loving. I know what the trip means to him and to me. I couldn't help crying: I hate to change our plan. I don't want to disappoint ourselves and our friends. Almost all of our teammates go because we planned to go. They are depending on us! I felt like we abandoned them. I felt like our long-expected dream is falling apart. But I know this is the best for our baby. If I go and end up being sick, the whole team will be affected too. I just pray that God will use us effectively each day regardless where we are and HE will guide the rest of the teammates throughout the trip! Trust is the word of the day!